When Dieting Goes Too Far –
Stop Your Teen’s Eating Disorder Before It Starts
Sona DeLurgio, Psy.D., MFT
“I feel fat.” “My stomach sticks out.” “I hate my thighs.”
You hear these remarks numerous times from women who are unhappy with their bodies and are contemplating a diet. However, to hear it from a child is quite a shock.
As teenagers become more body conscious and compare to those around them, they can begin to criticize their shape, size and weight. Lately, this phenomenon is being seen in younger and younger girls.
Years ago an 8 year old told me she was fat and had to diet. These days I hear about 6 year olds making such comments! In fact, 42% of 1st-3rd grade girls want to be thinner (Collins, 1991). And these girls are already starting diets. Time Magazine reports that 80% of all children have been on a diet by the time they’re in the 4th grade. Here are some staggering statistics:
- 46% of 9-11 year-olds are "sometimes" or "very often" on diets, and 82% of their families are "sometimes" or "very often" on diets (Gustafson-Larson & Terry, 1992)
- 81% of 10 year olds are afraid of being fat. 51% of 9 and 10 year old girls feel better about themselves if they are on a diet. (Mellin, 1992)
When children and teens begin to condemn their bodies and feel the only way out of their plight is to diet, the adults around them need to take notice and provide help when the time is right.
An overweight child can be helped to make healthier food choices and get more physical activity. However, when someone is of normal weight and begins to feel the need to lose weight, often there is an emotional need driving the desire to become thinner.
Perhaps someone feels they will fit in better with a group of friends if they’re feeling left out, or become more liked or admired. Attention from boys is often desired with the erroneous conclusion that body size is the answer. Others feel they will be more loved in their families if they are the “prettier” child. Some girls fight with perfectionism in all they do including a need for a perfect body.
Unfortunately, the painful reality is that losing weight will never be the answer these young people are looking for. Then the intensity of the pursuit for a thinner body increases, eating becomes more rigid and restrictive, and, sadly, the emotional toll deepens.
What can a parent do?
Before the process unfolds in this manner, a parent can help. Begin simply by modeling healthy behavior yourself and also observing your child’s behavior.
Modeling healthy behavior
Catch yourself before you make any disparaging remarks about your own body or your weight or someone else’s. Many of my teenage and adult clients remember hearing comments like this when they were young. And these comments didn’t even have to be very blatant. A passing simple statement could carry a lot of meaning for a young person.
Talk about your eating and exercising as a way to be a healthy, energetic person. Model for your child the importance of enjoying a wide variety of healthy foods eaten with pleasure. Let them see you taking part in an active life with moderate physical activity most days. But just model, don’t tell them they need to do the same.
Find positive and varied ways to talk about yourself, your child or others. Comment on many aspects of what makes people who they are and special (not just looks). Highlight your child’s individuality, talents, interests and uniqueness.
Observing your child’s behavior and helping
Do you see your child experimenting with eating or becoming obsessed and preoccupied? Are they becoming moody or more self-critical? Are they eating breakfast and dinner or rushing out the door or to do homework instead? Just start paying attention. You don’t need to act yet, unless you are seeing the behaviors progressing. Your modeling a healthy lifestyle may be all that’s required.
If you do notice the behaviors progressing and intensifying, don’t try to talk her out of her “need to diet.” Rather, talk about how she’s feeling. If she tells you she’s fat, don’t immediately tell her she isn’t but talk with her about what she’s thinking and feeling about herself.
See if you can open a dialogue about what’s going on in her life. Ask open-ended questions to encourage her to share more. Provide an open, non-judgmental space and time to allow the dialogue to unfold. Ask if she’d like you to check back with her another time about how she’s feeling. Or let her know your door is always open should she ever want to talk with you about how she's doing.
Does your child's eating seem to be getting more restrictive? You may be tempted to try and control her behaviors but this can only make things more rigid and create a power struggle between the two of you. It’s best to try to keep the dialogue about feelings open and if the need for more intervention is required, don’t hesitate to talk with your pediatrician or a therapist about how to proceed.
We need to do a better job of helping our young people develop their sense of self in a whole person kind of way. The benefits will last a lifetime.
References
Collins M.E. (1991) Body figure and preferences among pre-adolescent children. International Journal of Eating Disorders, 199-208.
Gustafson-Larson, A., & Terry, R.D. (1992). Weight-related behaviors and concerns of fourth-grade children. Journal of the American Dietetic Association, 92, 818-822.
Mellin LM, Irwin CE & Scully S: Disordered eating characteristics in girls: A survey of middle class children. Journal of the American Dietetic Association. 1992; 92:851-53.
(c) 2010 Sona DeLurgio, Psy.D., MFT
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