*The names mentioned below are not real clients but created from the years of work in which I have gotten to know the courageous clients who have fought their eating disorders.
Dear Client Fighting an Eating Disorder,
For Tracy* who sits on the edge of my couch so she doesn’t feel her thighs spread out on the seat.
For Misha who cries and screams about her concave stomach asking me to see that it’s “fat.”
For Blair who is afraid of anyone hugging or touching her for fear they will feel her fat (or bones).
For Christie who feels like her eating disorder is the only thing that helps her survive her painful life.
For Audrey who just ran until her feet bled.
For Rhonda who hates that she just finished the gallon of ice cream she had sworn herself to stay away from.
For Sheila who just wrote again in her journal about how much she hates herself and let the vicious thoughts flow.
For Valerie who feels so much shame being a mother of beautiful children yet finding herself throwing up after binging when the kids aren’t around.
Oh, my dear clients! How I wish you could see your amazing, wonderful selves beneath these very painful and soul-killing behaviors.
There is so much I want you to know.
First of all, recovery IS possible! You will get to a point when you are free from these food and body tortures. An eating disorder is like being in a prison. I know you are stuck there and hate it but you also feel like you can’t live without it. It’s the worst kind of dilemma you can find yourself in.
But when you walk the difficult and bumpy path of recovery, you will find more and more peace and freedom along the way. You can’t even conceive of that freedom right now, I know. But I have seen it come to numerous people who have stayed on the path.
I know you don’t feel hope for things being different than they are now. I can hold the hope for you because I know you can do this.
I know you are fighting your mind on this one. I know you struggle with feeling deserving of eating, health, and even other people’s care. You may not even trust other people’s care right now. I know it feels like you can only trust your eating disorder. You know it very well and it knows you. Yet, I also know you suffer from it. It takes over your life in a way that you never thought could happen.
I know there is a YOU under all the struggle and we can find her together. I know you may not know who you are without your eating disorder. You may even feel a bit awkward, blank, and undefined when you begin letting go of the behaviors.
- This is the time we can really discover who you truly are without the eating disorder defining you.
- This is the you that you can begin to get to know, understand, and embrace.
- This is the you that can use your voice and express your true self and know you are deserving of care.
- This is the hope for the YOU that I will hold on to until you can see her yourself.
Reach out your hand. There is freedom. There is hope.
With loving care,
If you or anyone you know is struggling with food or their bodies, please know help is available. I’m happy to walk this path of recovery with you and hold the hope. Call me at (626) 836-2023 if you’d like to talk.